


at last (this is how it starts)

by hiddeninplainsight



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28454658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddeninplainsight/pseuds/hiddeninplainsight
Summary: there’s a lot happening. tobin’s moving to manchester. her little brother’s getting married. and she’ll be seeing her best friend slash ex-girlfriend slash the one that got away after a long time.all tobin had planned was to snowboard and spend some time with her family this holiday season, but christen makes a suggestion that she goes along with. it’s all for fun.that’s what she tells herself anyways.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 49
Kudos: 350
Collections: Preathfics Winter 2020 Collection





	at last (this is how it starts)

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy!  
> 
> 
> (slightly long author's note at the end)

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, but Tobin made it work. The question shouldn’t be _how_ , but more _why_ because she wouldn’t be able to answer how she packed up her condo in a city she’s lived in for the past eight years to ship most, if not all, of her belongings to a new country. She wouldn’t have rushed if it wasn’t for her little brother getting married in Canada right before the New Year.

Tobin missed her family’s Christmas party that they threw at some rented house in North Vancouver, but it was a compromise between her and her mother. It was either arrive on Christmas and then leave first thing in morning the day after the wedding, or arrive the day after Christmas and stay until New Years. Her mother agreed on the latter because it meant more time together. She has missed big events over the years, like her nephew’s birth, her sister’s wedding, her other nephew’s birth. The list goes on, the type of things an average person attends in any normal circumstance.

But that isn’t Tobin. She is anything but average. Entering a career in professional sports that takes her all over the country and the _world_ has been a sacrifice she continuously makes and lives with since graduating college. She wishes she could be there for more things, but this is her job and it isn’t easy to call off work because it’s her nephew’s second birthday party.

So before moving to a country to play the sport that makes up a large part of who she is, she’s in Canada. The Vancouver International Airport currently, as she waits for her luggage. She still has to pick up the rental car, a Jeep because there was no way in hell she was going to drive up to Whistler in a small compact that would most likely get stuck in the snow.

Tobin’s sitting on her luggage when she spots her other luggage coming towards her on the conveyor belt. She stands, stretching and letting out a small yawn. Her phone vibrates in her pocket, but it isn’t a text message because it continues vibrating. Pulling the device out, she sees it’s Kelley calling her, likely to ask again if she wants to go to Hawaii before she has to be in Manchester. It’s tempting, but she can’t. She shakes her head, deciding that she’ll call her friend back tomorrow once she’s settled at the Fairmont Chateau.

Without paying much attention to her environment, Tobin declines the call, sending a quick message to Kelley because she isn’t one to be ignored that easily. She reaches for the luggage handle, pulling with enough force, but she almost trips when it doesn’t lift off.

“What the fuck,” Tobin mutters, pivoting to someone she hasn’t seen in a _very_ long time smiling at her.

“I think you have the wrong luggage.”

“Chris,” Tobin lets go of her luggage as it rocks back onto the moving belt, continuing to move along, not caring that she’ll have to wait for it circle back. “Holy shit.”

Tobin doesn’t think. It’s automatic, reflexive even, that her body immediately envelopes Christen in a tight hug. She feels Christen’s arms snake around her body, squeezing tightly, as they both relax into the embrace. 

Because it’s Christen.

Because there’s no one else on this earth (or universe) that could make Tobin so happy.

Christen, who has been her best friend practically since birth because their families go way back thanks to their mothers being sorority sisters. Christen, who she spent every moment of their childhood together because they lived two blocks away. Christen, who she dated in high school because her feelings ran deeper and stronger than just friends. Christen, who broke her heart the moment she realized they weren’t going to the same college because they wanted different things and had to accept that it was in their best interest if they went back to being friends. 

(Tobin didn’t want that, but she would do anything Christen wanted.)

If there’s anyone that knew Tobin better than herself, she’d choose Christen every single time.

“It’s so good to see you,” Christen mumbles into the crook of Tobin’s neck, squeezing again like she’s making sure that this is real, that this isn’t some illusion.

“So good to see you,” Tobin repeats, rubbing her hands up and down Christen’s back. She pulls back to see the signature smile with crinkled eyes that had her swooning before, still having the same effect. “I’m assuming that you’re taking a break from saving the world?” She teases and it has Christen rolling her eyes.

“I’m transitioning between locations right now,” Christen explains, pulling back enough so they’re looking at each other, but keeping her arms around Tobin. “I was just in Samoa, but after the wedding, I don’t know what I’m doing. There were talks about going to the Philippines or Malaysia, but I haven’t decided.”

Tobin nods, unsure of what to say because it still concerns her where Christen goes with _Doctors without Borders_. They had a minor fall out after Christen finished medical school, announcing she wanted to help people where it was really needed, instead of just working at a hospital. Tobin didn’t understand why she would give up the safety and stability for something unpredictable in a third world country. Christen was livid when Tobin said that because she was being dense and naïve when there were more important things in the world than kicking a ball around.

Christen didn’t talk to Tobin for almost three months. Until Tobin had a long discussion with Christen’s mom, Stacy, about what it was and why her daughter was doing this when she had opportunities to work at big named hospitals all over the country. It took a bit of time, but Tobin came around, finally understanding why her best friend slash ex-girlfriend was adamant about this. She always had the security of exactly what these people need that she never thought twice about having healthcare or clean water. She apologized and Christen accepted, but it still made her uneasy.

Christen’s in some parts of the world that she isn’t easily accessible, but she knows Christen’s safe and she wouldn’t put herself in harm’s way. They don’t talk about it, and if they do, it’s brief to the point Tobin’s aware of where Christen is. Her socials don’t give away much, but Christen had never been into technology anyways.

“I’m assuming you’re also going to the cabin in North Vancouver?” Christen asks that Tobin just nods again. “You saw pictures right? It’s huge. I wouldn’t even call it a cabin. It’s like a mansion.”

“You do realize that both our families aren’t small right? My sisters have kids. Tyler has like thirty dogs. So we need the space,” Tobin smiles when Christen rolls her eyes.

“Tyler only has three dogs. It’s not her fault that her and her girlfriend keep rescuing them. They didn’t even bring them!” Christen states matter-of-factly causing Tobin’s smile to widen. “What!” She huffs, crossing her arms.

“Nothing, you’re still cute to work up,” Tobin says cheekily, glancing at the conveyor belt at the right moment to her luggage approaching. She hears Christen huff as she grabs her bag, much more aware of what’s going on around them to realize that there’s hardly anyone left at the baggage claim. “Ready to go?”

“Who says I’m going with you?” Christen shoots back with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s a long shot, but I’m going to assume that either my mother or your mother sent you a flight itinerary that happened to coincide with mine so we’d end up at the airport at around the same time and we’d naturally leave together.”

Christen deadpans. She looks almost stumped that Tobin’s on par, but it’s their mothers and it’s something they’d do. They’re convinced that her and Christen are going to end up back together, but that ship’s long set sailed. “You’re right for the most part. It wasn’t our moms though. It was my dad that sent me a flight itinerary, but my mom told me the night before to keep an eye out for you. She tried very hard not to make it obvious.”

“But it is,” Tobin starts laughing, shaking her head because that’s exactly what had to happen.

“It is,” Christen’s laugh joins hers and it has always been Tobin’s favorite sound for as long as she could remember. Hearing Christen laugh reminds her of all the things she would say and do to keep it going.

A brilliant idea pops into Tobin’s head that she asks, already knowing the answer, “Wanna make them sweat and not go to the cabin yet?”

\--

They agreed on two drinks _max_ , but that went down the drain after someone recognized Tobin, offering to buy her and her girlfriend a drink because _you two look so cozy and cute_. Christen didn’t hesitate, leaning into Tobin to kiss her on the cheek, to capitalize on the free drink. The couple times they’ve gone out over the years, people have oddly offered to buy them drinks and they always acted like a couple whenever it happened.

They had some unspoken rule about it, going with whatever happens, but never actually talking about it. It must’ve seemed natural to strangers that they were a couple because it was natural for Tobin. Natural for Christen too, but she didn’t want to look into it that much. She knows what they were and what they are, and that’s that. 

They’re almost done with their fifth drink and Christen just ordered a round of tequila shots. Tobin doesn’t drink that much, but she can hold her own. Christen, on the other hand, can’t. It’s like she’ll keep drinking and drinking, then all of a sudden she’s drunk, completely unaware of everything and anything.

It wasn’t Tobin’s original idea for them to stay out this late. She just wanted their family, specifically their mothers, to wait a little while longer before they showed up. It irritates Tobin, to an extent, the length their mothers will meddle to get them to be alone. She always thought their mothers were more heartbroken than they were when they said they broke up, but that’s a joke. Tobin was a lot more heartbroken than she let on, but that’s something she never told Christen.

The last time Tobin was in Vancouver was when the women’s national team won the World Cup. She remembered a couple days after before she had to return to Portland while walking around Coal Harbour, she found this hip restaurant bar called the _Cactus Club_. She figured it was decent enough for her and Christen for a drink before they spend the next week with their families.

It was decent, more than enough for them to meet their needs. They started off with one drink, catching up about what they’ve been doing since they last saw each other, talking about the last time they saw each other at Christen’s little sister’s engagement party a couple years back, and acting as if time and distance spent apart never changed. With the second drink came a couple of appetizers because Tobin’s an athlete who has a high metabolism while Christen can’t resist fries, especially if _truffle_ is included in the description.

Then after the person bought them their drinks, sliding in a request to take a picture with Tobin, the rest went downhill.

Tobin’s buzzed while Christen’s drunk. Tobin can tell by the glazed over look in Christen’s eyes that shifted the color from seafoam green to a deep emerald. She can also tell by the way Christen’s swaying in the booth. Mostly because Tobin feels the warmth emanating from Christen’s body as she’s practically holding her friend up.

Tobin won’t drive in this condition because at the rate their going, she’s not jeopardizing her life and especially Christen’s. She’ll have to call one of her sisters too if they don’t call her first, which she’s almost certain it’ll be soon. She hasn’t checked her phone since they parked, silencing it so she wouldn’t be distracted.

“Let’s do something this week,” Christen says, her head resting on Tobin’s shoulder, as it comes out a little slurred, the effects of the alcohol dampening her motor control.

“Um sure?” Tobin says, confused over what that’s supposed to mean because Christen doesn’t really bode well in cold temperatures, and she wanted to go on a hike and snowboard. She figured she’d hang out with Christen during meals, “I wanted to snowboard, but I know you don’t do that. You could come with me on a hike to one of the lakes. I haven’t decided which one yet.”

“That sounds fun, but I meant something else,” Christen lifts her head up, forcing Tobin from her nearly finished old fashioned to her childhood best friend giving her a look of _something_ she can’t place.

“Okay shoot,” Tobin complies. It couldn’t hurt for whatever Christen’s about to say.

“Let’s act like we’re a couple.” 

_That_ could hurt, actually. A lot.

“Sorry, you’re suggesting what? That we act like a couple this week?” Tobin’s brain hasn’t fully processed what Christen asked. Because of all things that she could’ve said, _that_ was not one of them.

They may act like a couple from time to time, but they never acknowledged it. It was just harmless fun that sometimes got them free drinks and definitely shooed people away from any advances. They did hook up one spring break when they were in Cancun with a few of their friends sophomore year in college, but didn’t make a big deal of it, agreeing that it happened and it wasn’t anything new between them. There was that other time when Christen was home for her mother’s birthday and Tobin had a national team friendly in the area, but they treated as it was.

  
A casual hook-up between two people who used to date in high school. It was different because they were older, having more experience and confidence than the clumsiness they had as teenagers. Though Tobin could argue that the second time was when they were a few years out of college and that was the time they _thoroughly_ enjoyed it.

“Yeah why not? What could hurt?” Christen says casually, shrugging as she rests her head against Tobin’s shoulder.

_A lot_ , Tobin thinks, but rationalizes to herself that she’ll be in another country by the end of the next week and it’s all in good fun anyways. She may always have a soft spot for Christen, and she may consider Christen her first and _only_ love, but that’s something she could get over on her own.

“Okay, sure, let’s do it,” Tobin gives in because it’ll be fun. She hopes it will be, at least.

“Perfect,” Christen smiles, kissing Tobin quickly the cheek before their server appears at their table with two tequila shots and some sliced limes. “Thanks!” Christen says excitedly. The server asked if they needed anything else, which they both shook their head.

Christen eagerly takes the shot glasses, handing one to Tobin, who’s a little reluctant because she’s never been a fan of tequila. She doesn’t associate tequila with good decisions.

“To us reliving our younger days?” Christen raises the glass, smiling as she reaches for a lime.

“To our younger days,” Tobin cheers, extending her arm for their glasses to clink before they down the liquid. It burns as it makes its way down her throat causing her to almost gag. She blindly reaches for a lime to offset the taste, but instead she suddenly finds Christen’s lips on hers, that her brain short circuits.

It’s a hint of tequila, salt, and lime, but it’s all Christen. The familiar flavor that has always made her heart beat wildly against her ribcage. Always made her want more. Always made her wish she said _no_ to breaking up and figuring out how to make it work. Always her in all ways. 

Before the kiss can go any further, any deeper, any hotter, their server is at their table, interrupting the exact moment Tobin feels Christen’s tongue trace along her bottom lip, that she can’t do anything, but has to tear her lips away to see him holding a phone. She pretends that she didn’t hear Christen whine, for her own sanity.

“I’m so sorry, but this is for you?” He says, an apologetic look that tells her he really is. “You’re Tobin Heath right?” 

“Yeah,” Tobin responds, sitting up a little bit straighter, but keeping Christen tucked into her side. He extends the phone, which she reluctantly takes because she already knows who’s calling. “Thank you.” 

As soon as Tobin’s ear meets the device, Perry’s voice cuts through the sound waves.

“Seriously? At a bar? You said you were going straight here after you landed,” Her older sister sounds annoyed, but there’s a hint of teasing in it that she’s not really in trouble. 

“I decided to take a little pit stop. We’ll be there shortly,” Tobin says, a tired yawn leaving her mouth, as Christen snuggles deeper into her. 

“We? Who’s we?” Perry asks, and Tobin can see the confused look painted on her sister’s face. 

“Christen and me,” Tobin says, and her companion perks up at the mention of her name, but shrugs. “Didn’t your mother tell you about their elaborate plan for us to be alone? For us to rekindle what we had in high school?” The comment earns a light slap on the stomach from Christen, Tobin chuckles. 

“Their what? Rekindle _what_?” 

“I’ll explain when we get there,” Tobin says, dismissing the question. Perry knows the depth of how Tobin felt—feels—for Christen, so she isn’t going to fully support what the two have agreed on for the week. “But can you send someone to get us? We kind of drank too much and yeah you know.” 

“Tobin,” Perry sighs, and Tobin imagines that she rolled her eyes too. “Fine, I’ll tell Dad and Cody. Please drink some water.” 

They say their goodbyes with Tobin promising they won’t wander off and she’ll put her phone on _loud_ so their fathers won’t be lost in downtown Vancouver. 

Tobin settles the bill, but not without forcing Christen to drink a glass of water before they wait outside. She’d like to think she has enough experience of Christen and her hangovers, that she’d really be saving herself from a two-hour drive of Christen complaining that her head hurts, that the sun’s too bright, that her eyes aren’t closed enough and it’s letting the light in, but she’s not. She can prepare all she wants, and it’ll be some variation of complaints and groans. 

They’re waiting in the plaza, the 2010 Winter Olympics torch monument in the center. The sun’s just about set over the mountains, the sky turning from light to dark. The area’s not packed with people, but there is enough foot traffic along the harbor to be considered busy. 

Tobin’s sitting on a bench when Christen drops her body on her lap, moving until she feels comfortable. Tobin’s arms wrap around Christen’s midsection; the added warmth is needed with the chill coming from the river. 

Christen taps her nose, a clear sign that she’s drunk, but Tobin smiles because Christen looks all too adorable with a beanie, scarf, and puffy jacket bundling her up as if she was a child whose parents were being overly cautious, making sure she wouldn’t freeze. It’s honestly not that cold, it’ll be colder in Whistler, but Christen’s always been sensitive to anything below 60 degrees.

“My birthday’s coming up,” Christen simply states all the while expelling air out with enough force that she can see her breath.

Tobin knows when Christen’s birthday. She’s spent the first eighteen together. She doesn’t need a reminder. Though, it is the day before the wedding.

“Yeah,” Tobin nods. She’s thankful that she’s chose to stay at a resort because she vaguely remembers something about a spa, which Christen loves. She makes a mental note that she’ll need to talk to the concierge at some point, preferably without Christen hovering. They’re known to be attached at the hip when they’re together, so it might be tricky.

“Gonna plan something?” Christen teases, curling her body to rest her head on Tobin’s shoulder.

“Probably,” Tobin smirks, and Christen lets out an airy laugh.

Because they both know something will be planned, and Tobin’s not one to do something small.

\--

“Are we there yet?”

Tobin smiles to herself as she reverses the car out of the driveway, ignoring the way Christen’s leaning against the window with her beanie pulled down to cover her eyes. “We just pulled out of the driveway, Chris.”

The response Tobin receives is a groan quickly followed by a huff. She sneaks a look at Christen, who’s reaching blindly into the backseat that Tobin wants to offer some help, but doesn’t want to get yelled at. Christen finally grabs what she’s searching for, which it’s Tobin’s jacket that she’s made into a blanket.

Tobin’s still smiling, even if Christen can’t see.

They’re on the way to Whistler, agreeing to leave earlier than the rest of their family, but not without catching the triumphant looks of their mothers, as if they knew all along it was bound to happen, when they left.

“Just sleep, we’ll be there in a couple hours,” Tobin says, eyes focused on the road since Mother Nature brought a thin layer of snow in overnight.

“Fine,” Christen huffs again. Tobin isn’t paying much attention, so when Christen’s lips are on her cheek, she can’t stop her face from aching with how much she’s smiling. “Drive safely. Wake me up if you need anything.”

Tobin doesn’t respond as Christen settles back into her seat. She’s always safe, especially if Christen’s in the car with her. She’s learned never to wake Christen up after a night of drinking, especially if someone’s sporting a hangover.

Their fathers picked them up, only waiting for almost forty minutes. It wasn’t long, but the alcohol they consumed definitely hit Christen more. She wasn’t stumbling or belligerent, but she was very much flirty with Tobin—something the latter hadn’t experienced in years.

It wasn’t like the lame stuff Tobin used to pull on Christen like _counting shoulders_ or holding her hand out and telling Christen to _hold this_. It wasn’t like Christen being shy, only kissing Tobin when there wasn’t anyone around or blushing whenever _anything_ relating to sex was mentioned.

Tobin still does that with Christen and it earns her a laugh every time, but Christen’s different. More expressive. More _vocal_. To the point where Tobin had to pull back and stare at the woman in her lap. Because _this_ Christen, the same she has always loved, is more confident and it’s a major turn on.

It may have been the alcohol lowering their inhibitions, but it was very much real. Tobin’s seen _that_ look in Christen’s eyes before and it was a thousand times more intense.

When they arrived at the cabin, Tobin had to carry Christen in because Christen refused the help from her own father, wanting Tobin instead. Her mother almost squealed as soon as they crossed the threshold, but Tobin shushed her before it could become anything. Stacy shook her head, smiling fondly at scene as Tobin struggled bringing Christen to a bed. Once an unoccupied room was found, Tobin tucked Christen in, gently removing the layers she had on and tossing the blanket over it.

Tobin planned to talk to her parents and whoever else was up for a bit before going to bed, but that was derailed when Christen pulled her back, quietly asking to stay because she needed Tobin to keep her warm.

They fueled whatever their mothers wanted because they didn’t even try to hide their shit-eating grins when they walked out of the room this morning. Christen didn’t notice it because she deemed the light too bright, grunting a greeting to the family members as she took her seat at the table.

Tobin answered the questions thrown their way because Christen was nibbling on stale toast before giving up the will to eat, telling Tobin to wake her up when they were leaving. It was a given they were going to stay together.

That left Tobin to fend for herself. She ignored the concerned look Perry threw her way because there are questions she’ll be asked that she doesn’t know the answer to. The conversation was redirected about Tobin’s move to Manchester. It surprised her when Cody and Tyler said they had no idea because that means if they didn’t know, Christen doesn’t know.

Tobin doubts that’ll change anything.

It shouldn’t, at least.

As Tobin went to get ready, her mother reminds her that the rehearsal dinner is tomorrow night and if she had any plans, she better make sure that they make it back on time. Tobin couldn’t stop rolling her eyes because she doesn’t understand why she or Christen need to. Neither of them are in the wedding party nor are they contributing in any way, but it’s her little brother.

The only plan Tobin has for tomorrow is a hike—11.3 miles to be exact—to Garibaldi Lake. She estimates it should take most of the morning, depending on what time they wake up, into the early afternoon. It also depends on her hiking buddy who is unaware of what she agreed to.

Tobin checks the navigation system to see it’ll be a little over two hours until they arrive at the Fairmont Chateau. The drive will give her enough time to plan what they’ll be doing on Christen’s birthday. She doesn’t know how big of a deal she wants to make it because the last time they celebrated was Christen’s 25th, and she’s absolutely certain she doesn’t want a repeat of either of their 21st.

They’re older now so it’s less about how fast they can get drunk, and more about how they spend their time together. She’s considering a couples’ massage and a brewery tasting since Christen mentioned she’s expanding her horizons. Topping off the night with a fancy dinner and anything else that happens after, happens.

But that’s something Tobin will do when they arrive. Christen will probably sleep until dinner, which gives Tobin enough time to make arrangements and maybe even sneak in a few runs on the slope.

Tobin looks at Christen as the vehicle slows to a stop. Christen whose mouth is slightly open. Christen whose wrapped in her jacket. Christen who’s breathing softly and evenly. Christen who suggests the most outrageous things, but she follows along anyways. Christen who she’s fake dating for no reason, but it feels real to her. Christen who she’ll make the most of their time together.

Because this could be the last time for a while.

\--

Tobin quietly zips her backpack, trying not to disturb Christen again, who was a little irritated at having to move. Tobin had already checked in and everything when she gently woke Christen up, quietly explaining that they made it to the Fairmont and the valet was waiting for her. All Tobin received was a grunt as Christen got out of the car, which Tobin could only smile.

“Hey,” Christen calls out quietly from behind the couch. She sounds sleepy, like she isn’t sure if she wants to be awake or fall back asleep. “Where are you going?”

Tobin turns to a view that tickles the back of her ribcage—Christen’s head slightly raised with a pillow half covering her face. “I’m going to do a few runs on Blackcomb. Wanna grab dinner when I get back?”

It’s partially true. Tobin is going to snowboard, but she’s stopping by the concierge to plan Christen’s birthday first.

It was a winter wonderland—something Tobin marveled at when they pulled into the village. Snow covered every surface possible, the streets and sidewalks cleared out enough for traffic to get through. Fresh powder on the mountain waiting to be shredded. It called for drinking hot cocoa, sitting by the fireplace, and playing board games. It also meant cuddling with family, friends, anyone that wanted to stay warm.

“Does that mean I get to sleep some more?” Christen mumbles and Tobin stands up, walking over to a side since Christen sprawled out on the king bed. “So?”

“Yeah of course,” Tobin smiles, moving the pillow off her face as she partially sits on the bed. “There’s a water bottle on the side table if you get thirsty and I saved half a box of Timbits if you wanted.”

“Thanks,” Christen says, reaching for Tobin’s hand and gently pulling her in for a soft kiss on the cheek. “You’re the best.”

Tobin’s cheeks heat up, her skin acutely aware of where Christen’s lips touched. It’s a different situation when they’re sober because it feels more heightened, more intimate, more meaningful. Just more.

“Only for you,” Tobin leans back to see a dopey smile on Christen’s face. “I’ll be back okay? Just sleep. I know you’re still hungover.” The comment causes Christen to roll her eyes, then roll back into the pillows. Tobin stands up, and without thinking, she bends forward to kiss Christen on the forehead.

Because it’s instinctual, like she’s been doing this all along. Because it’s easy, like she’s at home getting ready for bed. Because it’s them. Because it’s too natural for them _not_ to act together.

“Be safe,” Christen mumbles before snuggling deeper into the pillows.

Tobin nods even though Christen can’t see. She didn’t realize it before but it’s something she’s always known because when you’re a teenager, ready to take on the world with any adventure, you want the person who makes the unknown safe right by your side.

And that’s what Christen is. Her shelter. Her safe haven.

\--

Tobin’s smiling as she continues to hear Christen mutter profanities as they move along the trail. A lot of _it’s so fucking cold_ and _why the fuck did I agree_ and _how fucking far is this stupid lake_ have been on a loop for the past thirty minutes. About an hour in, it was a lot of Christen cursing Tobin out for taking her on this _stupid hike_ when she could’ve have been in their hotel suite with the heater blasting and tucked under blankets, ordering room service on Tobin’s dime. Tobin didn’t say anything, letting Christen just verbalize whatever thoughts crossed her mind—no matter how murderous it sounded.

“We’re almost there,” Tobin singsongs.

“Yeah we better fucking almost be there,” Christen huffs.

They’re just about there. They’re already walking along a blue-green river that Tobin wanted to stop and take a few pictures, but Christen grabbed her by the camera strap, dragging her to keep on walking. They just have to get around the curve and the lake will be right there.

Unsurprisingly, there aren’t that many people on the trail. The parking lot was nearly empty except for the seven cars Christen pointed out as they walked by. They haven’t passed anyone nor has anyone passed them. Christen was spooked in the beginning, but warmed up to just them on the trail. It was nice, peaceful even, with the two of them walking and making small conversation with crisp, cool air of winter flowing through their lungs.

Tobin’s first to see around the curve while Christen’s a few feet behind, and it’s a sight to behold that she stops to take it all in. From all the places near and far that Tobin’s been to, from traveling across the United States, from playing in different countries, there’s something about _this_ that stuns her, paralyzing all thoughts and feelings, allowing her to just _exist_.

Christen’s body barrels into hers, that she’s about to say something when Tobin interrupts with, “Shh, just look,” before bringing her gaze back to the lake.

“What the—” Christen almost snaps, but follows Tobin’s outstretched hand and simply says, “Wow.”

“Uh huh,” is all Tobin can form as a response because it is _wow_.

The mountains are blanketed with snow and flecks of green popping up from the trees that shook off the powder. The water’s vividly turquoise that Tobin has never seen any lake this color. The sky’s filled with clouds with the sun rays barely peaking through. It’s a white standstill that seems like they’re in a dream and if they drink the water, some mythical creature will appear to guide them on a new adventure.

A branch snaps, breaking out of Tobin and Christen out of their trance. Tobin quickly turns around, seeing an elderly woman walking carefully. She smiles as soon as she notices them, saying, “Beautiful, isn’t it?” as she sidesteps around them. Tobin admires the energy of someone who’s on a rigorous hike, hoping that she’ll be like that when she’s older.

Christen replies with a wistful sigh, “Yeah, it is.”

Tobin and Christen lock eyes, a small fond smile playing on the latter’s face, that says so much with having to say so little. Something’s changing between them _again_ just like when they were teenagers, when they figured out that they wanted more than a friendship. Tobin knows it isn’t the same, but it’s like it.

The difference is that it’s hitting with seismic force, greater than before. It’s scary because it’s a lot to process in a short time span, when at the start of the year, they’ll be in different places. Through no fault of their own because this is the first time in a long time where they’re together for more than a day, something they haven’t had since college.

“Hi,” Christen says softly, stepping into Tobin’s space without losing eye contact. “Thanks for taking me here.”

“Even if you had to wake up before sunrise?” Tobin chuckles when Christen rolls her eyes.

“Yes, even if,” Christen laughs, and it’s that airy laugh again.

“Cool,” Tobin nods triumphantly, making Christen laugh harder. “Eat lunch and relax for a bit before we head back?”

“Definitely,” Christen agrees eagerly, legs likely sore from the changing elevations of the trail and ready to take the load off, stretching her arms before teasing, “You owe me a massage or something.”

\--

Tobin stares at the ceiling, the sound of Christen snoring softly against her chest, as the events of last night replay in her mind.

It was a blur.

When they returned to the Fairmont, they were in a rush to make it to the rehearsal. They would’ve had more time, except Tobin wanted to take a detour at a nearby lake that she actually jumped in. Christen refused, not in the mood to get her hair wet, but happily took pictures of Tobin. 

Neither were part of the entourage nor were they remotely involved. Their quote unquote role was _guest_ , that was it. Christen kept whacking Tobin on the arm when the latter complained about _why they needed to rehearse a dinner_ and _it’s not like I forgot how to eat_. Christen reminded that they were there for her brother’s big day, being nothing but moral support.

The only way to subdue Tobin was Christen stealing a couple wine bottles when the servers weren’t looking and dragging Tobin out of the dining hall after everyone finished eating. Christen missed the stares of their mothers, but Tobin didn’t, all too aware that they were saying _something_. 

They found a restaurant while they walked around the hotel that wasn’t too busy. It seemed that the few people there were having drinks or desserts. The Maitre’D was nice enough to lead them to the fireplace set up outside where it was practically deserted, leaving the two friends alone and warm under Christmas lights with the shadow of Blackcomb Mountain as their view.

Tobin felt like a kid again. Just her and her best friend, certainly up to something because that was how they were. Though there was a reverse in roles because it was usually Tobin wandering off and Christen following without glancing back.

Christen pulled the wine out of her coat, ready to drink. It would have almost been successful, yet they were missing a key component—a bottle opener.

A waitress appeared at their table while they tried to figure out how they were going to open it, scaring Tobin enough that she jumped. The waitress recognized who she was about to talk to and started praising Tobin for how well she played. It went on longer than expected that Christen cleared her throat, intimidating the waitress, and asked for a bottle opener.

“Jeez, you might as well have peed on me,” Tobin teased after the waitress abruptly left and said she’d also be back with a complimentary charcuterie board.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Christen claims, turning her away with a smirk.

Tobin isn’t sure when it happened, the wine flowing and the conversation never ending definitely played a part because at one point they’re reminiscing about the time Christen actually had to pee on Tobin’s leg after getting stung by a jellyfish then they’re in the elevator, Tobin pushed against the wall with Christen’s lips on hers.

Clothes flung all over the suite as soon as Tobin opened the door. Christen lifted and thrown on the bed, but not without dragging Tobin with her. Kisses covering every inch of skin. Breathless moans and heavy sighs as they handled each other with a confidence only they knew.

Time ceased to exist. When they finally finished, it was past midnight and Tobin turned to Christen, wishing her _happy birthday oldie, love you_ with a kiss on the forehead before falling asleep.

There was a lot that happened and Tobin’s head will hurt if she tries to analyze every single thing.

Deciding that she wants to some coffee to start the day, she gives Christen a soft squeeze before attempting to sneak out of bed. It doesn’t work because a strong leg throws itself over, locking Tobin from any movement.

“Where are you going?” Christen mumbles against Tobin’s chest as she rubs her face, settling into a more comfortable position.

“Coffee,” Tobin says simply, the movement stopping because she knows that Christen will gladly take her source of energy.

“You know how I like it,” Christen yawns, kissing Tobin’s chest before rolling away, flopping back with messy curls spreading over the pillow.

“I do,” Tobin smirks when Christen peaks one eye open. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back. We have a pretty busy day. So we’re going to have to get ready when I get back.”

“Yeah yeah,” Christen murmurs, closing her eye. “Just wake me up when you return.”

“Happy birthday oldie.”

\--

“I was kidding when I said you owed me a massage,” Christen says when Tobin reappears after checking in for their couples’ massage.

“Yeah, well you deserve it,” Tobin shrugs, taking the empty seat next to Christen. “They said to give them a few minutes.”

It’s been a nice morning.

When Tobin left their suite, she came back with more than coffee—a breakfast with all of Christen’s favorite foods (Nutella crepe included). It was more than enough for them to share, which ended up being more Tobin eating everything.

They couldn’t not be in contact, they had to have some part of their body touching the other. That led to a continuation of the previous night, but at a slower lazy pace as they enjoyed the closeness. Christen nearly pulled Tobin’s hair out after the soccer player kept teasing.

It’s been more than nice

“Wh-what was that for?” Tobin says after Christen suddenly kisses her cheek.

“Do I need a reason?” Christen kisses her again, but this time on the corner of her mouth.

“No,” Tobin clears her throat, her face heating up from the contact.

“Cool,” Christen smiles, a wide toothy one that Tobin returns. “What else is on the agenda for today?”

“It’s a surprise, if I told you I’d have to—”

“Kill me,” Christen finishes, rolling her eyes in the process because it’s something Tobin’s said ever since they were kids. “Fine, if you want to be all secretive about it. We have dinner with our families tonight though right? Tyler texted to remind me to get slightly dressed up.”

The family dinner wasn’t in Tobin’s plans, more like a happy hour or walk around the village with the families. Her mother caught wind that she was doing something for Christen, and suggested that they do something all together since it’s been so long that the whole family was present on both sides. Tobin agreed because it made sense. She could pinpoint the last time everyone was together Tobin’s birthday before their high school graduation. 

“Yep, slightly fancy dinner thanks to our mothers,” Tobin nods.

After this, they’ll be taking a tram ride up Whistler Mountain and having a tapas-styled lunch on the viewing deck. Tobin owes it to the concierge team because they definitely didn’t do things like this, but she said this will be the first birthday in five years that she gets to spend with her girlfriend. It was meant to be for dinner, but some things had to be rearranged, which they were more than accommodating.

“Perfect,” Christen huffs, leaning against Tobin. “Do you think they saw us leave last night?”

Someone calls out Tobin’s name before she could respond, notifying the two that they’re ready to take them in. Christen stands up first, turning with an extended hand to pull Tobin up.

“Probably,” Tobin makes a bored face because it can sometimes annoy the hell out of her when she gets pestered about her not-relationship with Christen, even when Christen’s in some of the most remote places of the world. 

“Might as well give them something to talk about,” Christen pulls her up, kissing Tobin on the lips. 

Tobin doesn’t know if she wants that because as lines start to blur, unresolved feelings lingering underneath the surface, waiting to appear, she isn’t sure she can handle the end of _whatever_ this is.

\--

_Click. Click. Click._

The sound of the camera shutter goes off as their server takes pictures with Tobin’s camera. Their backdrop is snow white with clear blue skies as they pose, smiling and laughing. Christen’s sitting on the railing with arms holding tightly onto Tobin who’s standing in between her legs. Tobin keeps leaning back to scare Christen into falling into the snow, but she has a firm grasp on her legs that she’s not going anywhere.

“Tobin stop,” Christen whines as pictures are still being taken.

“You’re fine,” Tobin chuckles, squeezing Christen’s leg reassuringly that she won’t let her fall.

“Ugh,” The server, Danielle, says causing the two to look what happened. “You two are too cute. I wish my boyfriend did stuff like this for me. You have a good one Christen.”

“Oh I know,” Christen says cheekily, pressing her face against Tobin, who swears she can feel the muscles contract into a smile.

Danielle takes a few more pictures before handing the camera to Tobin, excusing herself to give them some privacy until they have to leave.

It’s been _too good of a day_ as Christen told Tobin when they were on the tram ride. The massage was great. Christen walked out completely relaxed, like she was in a dream, and wasn’t even fazed by Tobin telling her that they needed to change into warmer clothes for their next activity.

Christen didn’t know where they were going, still didn’t have a clue when they stepped onto the tram, but the look of pure happiness when Tobin uncovered her eyes to the beautiful set up—a firepit table surrounded by couches on the edge of the deck overlooking the mountain range. Tobin didn’t know what to expect because she talked with the concierge about it enough for them to have an idea, but it exceeded her expectations. Definitely Christen’s too.

“Thanks,” Christen says, disentangling to jump off the rail.

“For what?” Tobin asks nonchalantly, turning to the view. She sees Christen leaning forward in her periphery.

“This. The massage. Breakfast. Today,” Christen rattles off.

“It’s not a big deal,” Tobin says. Though she would blame that her cheeks are red from the temperature, not because of Christen.

“But it is a big deal. It’s a big deal to me,” Christen emphasizes, grabbing Tobin’s wrist so she’d look at her. “I haven’t had a day like this in… forever. It’s my birthday too and you’ve made it really special. I think the last time we spent my birthday was over five years ago.”

Tobin smiles, “You know I’d do anything for you.”

“Really?” Christen smiles back.

“Really really,” Tobin nods. She doesn’t know if Christen understands the extent of _anything_ , but she means it when she says anything.

\--

Christen’s after Tobin’s heart, even though she’s oblivious to it all.

They just finished Christen’s birthday dinner at a restaurant in the village, so they’re slowly making their way back to the hotel before tomorrow’s festivities. The kids, on the other hand, took a small stop in an open area filled with snow. Everyone’s standing around, talking, excited about the wedding as Tobin overhears Cody trying to convince her father that they need to sneak a game at the golf course. She smiles at that, but her eyes are on Christen a few feet away.

The sight of Christen teaching Tobin’s niece and nephews how to make snowballs is something she can’t put into words, but it’s heavy against her chest and empty in her stomach. She’s holding onto whatever she’s feeling because in the back of her mind, it’s temporary, an image of what they could be if they were to be.

“Dude,” Tobin feels someone nudge her elbow and it’s Jeff giving her a cheeky smile. “You’ve got it bad.”

Tobin shakes her head, deciding to say nothing because her brother has always had a way to decode what she actually means.

“Come on,” Jeff deadpans, standing next to her against the wall as they watch Tucker smash snow out of his hands and Christen gently guiding his hands. “We all see you two together, attached at the hip. It feels like high school all over again.”

“It’s not like that,” Tobin says without taking her eyes of Christen.

“If it’s not, then what is it?” Jeff prods. It’s said in a way that Tobin thought she’d be having this conversation with Perry, who only told her to _be careful_. It almost sounds protective.

“It’s fun,” Tobin says, the words feel weird coming out of her mouth. “Fun until I go to England.”

“Which is in four days,” Jeff states.

Tobin remains quiet. She doesn’t need to be reminded of how long she has with her family and Christen. The realization hit her when they were getting ready for Christen’s birthday dinner. It’s happening fast and she doesn’t want it to end. She agreed to acting like a couple, but she became so enveloped with acting, it blurred fantasy and reality.

It’s like they are back in high school as Jeff said, but more intense, more heightened than the awkwardness of their youth. Tobin loves Christen, that’s as obvious as her favorite sport. Tobin is in love with Christen, that’s not as obvious but it’s slamming like a ball to the head, repeatedly.

“I know,” Tobin says quietly, but loud enough for Jeff to hear over their nephew’s laugh.

“So what. What happens next?” Jeff asks. It irritates Tobin at how insistent her brother’s being right now, especially when this whole week is about him. Not her.

“Shouldn’t we be talking about your wedding? You’re getting married tomorrow,” Tobin deflects and it works because her brother smiles.

“I am getting married tomorrow. To the girl of my dreams,” Jeff says proudly. “But I’m signing a forever with her. It sounds a lot like you’re letting your forever go. Again.”

Tobin’s about to respond when a sudden slap of snow hits her face. She shivers as she shakes her head, the powder falling to the ground and looks in the direction of Christen trying to hold in a laugh and Tucker laughing. Ignoring her brother’s question and not wanting to deal with examining what she actually feels, Tobin scoops up some snow, throwing the deformed circle and lightly jogging towards the sound once it’s out of her hands.

\--

The bed dips as Christen slides underneath the covers, settling into bed, but not without leaving a considerable distance from Tobin.

She’s upset, and Tobin doesn’t need to ask what happened to know why.

It was on their way back after the kids were finally tired out, yawning and reaching for their parents to be carried. Christen was apologizing for throwing the snowballs at Tobin, but was adamant it was all Tucker’s idea. Tobin acted like she was upset, pouting and all, but the teasing glint in her eyes said otherwise. Cody asked Tobin if she was excited about her move to Manchester, enthusiastic over her accomplishments since he’s actively kept up with Tobin’s career. Christen froze, while the rest of the group continued walking. Tobin immediately noticed, they were holding hands and she almost tripped. She followed her arm up to Christen staring at the ground, jaw clenching.

  
  
It happened fast, and if it was anyone else, they’d think Christen was distracted. But Tobin wasn’t anyone else. There was no distraction. Christen composed herself, shaking whatever thought crossed her mind before anyone really noticed. Tobin had to answer Cody, feigning excitement for more experience when she was more concerned about his daughter at the moment, who listened to it all as they went into a deep discussion about European football and how this culture is different than the homeland.

Christen remained relatively quiet, only speaking when spoken to, bidding farewell to the rest of their family members when they stepped into the elevator. Tobin tried to strike up a conversation, something mundane about Tyler and her venture as a botanist. It didn’t go far, Christen nipping it in the bud by nodding and not adding much to the discussion.

The silence is deafening as they lay in the darkness, Tobin staring at the ceiling and she thinks Christen’s back is facing her, but she hasn’t checked yet. She’d be the first to ask what’s wrong, but she’d bet her World Cup medal that Christen’s still processing what she found out. If Tobin asks now, the likelihood of it turning into an argument is high, and she really doesn’t want to fight. They had such a nice day, nearly perfect, that she doesn’t want to ruin it. If this is one of the last few intimate moments she gets to share with Christen, she wants to end on a happy note.

It doesn’t take long, but it feels like hours since they last spoke in the elevator, that Christen speaks first.

“When were you going to tell me?”

It’s said softly, hushed, like a secret you’re telling your best friend. But in this case, there’s a blatant hurt that almost borderlines offense because you didn’t tell your best friend the secret.

“I don’t know,” Tobin says. She didn’t know when the right time was. She’s been too focused on spending time with Christen that telling her _that_ would ruin it.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” The sheets rustle and Tobin feels Christen’s eyes on her, but she keeps her eyes locked on the ceiling.

“I don’t know,” Tobin repeats.

It’s odd, Tobin realizes, that the roles reversed. It has always been Christen leaving and Tobin staying. It had never been consistent over the years because their lives took them down different paths. They had a sense of unpredictableness, not knowing where they’d be next, but the timing was never there for them to be at the same place. For once, Tobin’s leaving into the unknown and Christen can’t fault her for making this choice.

“I wish you told me,” Christen says, and it forces Tobin to look at her.

“What would it have changed?” Tobin asks earnestly. There is no outcome for them where they end up together.

“I don’t know.”

\--

Tobin wakes up to the other side of the bed empty and cold, as if no one was ever there. She blindly reached for Christen to pull her into an embrace, to start this morning new, but was met with a deformed soft pillow.

She’s more hurt than she’d like to admit because she was under the impression they weren’t going to let Tobin keeping her move from Christen change their little arrangement. They didn’t really have a discussion, sweeping it under the rug with the false hope they wouldn’t have to address it. No harm, no foul.

Instead, they had sex.

It started with Christen straddling Tobin, pulling her into a deep kiss. It automatically felt different, that’s all Tobin thought. She couldn’t say what exactly it was, if it’s just one thing or a combination of everything, but whatever it was, it felt different.

Different from the night before where it was frantic, falling into familiarity while eagerly exploring what the years have taught them.

Christen pulled Tobin’s shirt off, tracing her lips along Tobin’s collarbone that Tobin’s abdomen contracted at the contact, surprised by the effect. Christen slowly descended Tobin’s body, and she took her time that Tobin ached nearly came when she buried herself between Tobin’s legs. 

It was something Tobin had always done with Christen, they’ve done it enough times that it should be the same.

Yet it wasn’t.

Christen fucked with a purpose, eager, possessive almost, that had Tobin pulling her back up as soon as she came and twisting their bodies so Christen was on her back. Christen’s eyes were dark, blown out with arousal, any shade of green gone. It hit Tobin right in the chest that Christen wanted this—whatever this was—as much as she did.

“Thanks for that,” Tobin said breathless, sliding a thigh between Christen’s legs, “But it’s your birthday.”

“You’ve done more than enough,” Christen said, hips grinding down to garner some kind of friction.

Tobin pressed her thigh forward just enough to make Christen gasp.

“Tobin,” Christen softly begged.

Tobin was too engrossed with the sliver of skin peeking from the hem of Christen’s shirt. She lifted the article of clothing with swiftness, lips latching onto her hip that Christen arched her back reflexively at the contact.

“Tobin, _please_ ,” Christen moaned that it barely took a minute once Tobin spread her legs up and apart, tongue moving with efficiency as she tore the orgasm from Christen’s body.

Tobin didn’t even pause, moving upward to kiss Christen without wiping her mouth. It shouldn’t have felt different because they kissed so many times in so many places and scenarios, but it was.

Tobin couldn’t place it. Maybe it was a culmination of things leading up to it. Maybe it was their hormones. Maybe it was what it was. If Tobin had to describe what last night was, it wasn’t just sex. It ran deeper and more intimate than that. If Tobin couldn’t tell Christen she loved her, then that was it.

Tobin sighs, rolling back onto the sheets, eyes back at the ceiling, that at this point her and this ceiling are best friends as she contemplates her choices. Her phone vibrates on the side table, that she reaches for the device without checking who it is.

It’s Kelley, greeting her in the most obnoxious way.

“Kelley shut up, please,” Tobin groans, bringing her other hand to rub her temple.

“What crawled up your ass,” Kelley says. “I thought you’d be happy since it’s your brother’s wedding day.”

“I am,” Tobin sighs, hoping she said it low enough that Kelley didn’t pick up on it.

“But?” Tobin could always count on Kelley’s supersonic hearing.

Tobin ends up telling Kelley what’s been going on these past few days. Kelley hardly interjects, choosing to listen and responding appropriately as Tobin rambles about Christen, their little agreement, the birthday, all of it. She doesn’t realize that she was holding her breath until she finished speaking, feeling lighter as the chip on her shoulder crumbles.

“So what? What happens next?” The words exactly the same as her brother’s.

It isn’t as easy to distract Kelley as it was Jeff.

“Nothing,” Tobin says, defeated. That’s the only answer she has to the question she’s been turning over in her head since she saw Christen. Since she agreed. Since she’s been spending time with Christen. Since she’s been so vehemently denying what she’s always known.

“Why?” Kelley asks. It’s posed in a way that Tobin knows Kelley’s eyebrows are furrowed, confused as to how something like this has no solution.

“I’m moving to Manchester and she’s going who knows where next.”

“Okay, and? Long distance relationships are a thing,” Kelley says simply, as if that’s the perfect solution.

“It is, but if we didn’t do it when we were going off to college, what makes you think she’ll want to do it now?” Tobin counters.

“I don’t know. I don’t know Christen. I only know her through you and how highly you’ve spoken about her throughout the years. I can only think that the reason why you two split before college was you had grow up a bit. I’m not downplaying your relationship in high school, hell, it can’t even downplayed because you two have known each other since birth. That’s hard to beat. Sometimes you have to separate because as good as you were together then, you’d probably be better together now.”

Tobin doesn’t immediately respond, taking in what Kelley has to say to heart because what Kelley’s saying makes sense to her. Though, her skeptical side will try to talk her down because she doesn’t want to have her hopes up for something she can be highly disappointed in if it doesn’t work out the way she wants.

“I—” Tobin hears the room door open. “Shit, I’ll talk to you later. She’s back. Thanks Kelley.” She rushes out, ending the call right when Christen walks in.

“Hi,” Christen greets, hands full with a small brown bag and a cup. “Have you been awake long?”

“Morning,” Tobin says, as Christen rounds to her side of the bed, sitting on the edge. “I woke up about fifteen minutes ago. Where’d you go?”

“Had breakfast with my mom,” Christen shrugs. She extends her hands, “Here ya go. I grabbed you some stuff.”

“Thanks,” Tobin takes the cup and bag, smiling. Christen’s looking at her with an expression she can’t place. It’s borderline intense, but she’s still tired and definitely sore that she doesn’t want to exert effort right now.

“No problem,” Christen’s expression changes and she leans forward to kiss Tobin on the cheek. “I’m gonna start getting ready now. Want me to wake you up when I’m done with my hair?”

Tobin smiles wider, “You know me so well.”

Christen rolls her eyes, chuckling as she stands up to walk to the bathroom. Tobin follows her until she leaves the room. She flops back on the sheets, sighing with the weight of Kelley’s words at the forefront of her mind.

\--

“I think you’re purposely trying to kill me,” Tobin whispers in Christen’s ear, her arms squeezing to pull Christen into her. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Christen says coyly, subtlety rolling her backside into Tobin’s front, who groans at the contact. 

It’s been like this since Tobin woke up to a sight to behold, burned into her memory forever—Christen in nothing but a lacy black bra with its matching underwear. It left very little to the imagination, but Tobin already knew what’s underneath. 

They may have spent the better part of an hour making out on the suite couch before they absolutely had to leave, Christen promising they’ll finish where they left off after the wedding. 

The ceremony was beautiful. It took place at the exact spot Tobin and Christen were the night of the rehearsal dinner, but it was clear skies and snow capped mountains in the background, a stark contrast to the shadows of the mountains lurking in the dark, lit dimly by the fire pit.

Tobin has kept some form of contact with Christen the whole day. Whether it was holding hands or their shoulders brushing, they were touching somehow. 

Tobin couldn’t help herself, Christen looks absolutely stunning, wearing a deep teal dress that has a waist tie and a slit that _does_ leave the imagination wondering. The cut of the dress is also low enough where lacy edges of Christen’s bra make an appearance. Christen had to explain to Tobin that her dress was _not_ a robe with the amount of times Tobin tried untying it to show _something_.

Christen, on the other hand, didn’t say much found Tobin’s outfit of a dark grey pantsuit and a black dress shirt underneath. Though, she kept finding ways to adjust the lapels or fix the collar. Tobin didn’t care, she was enjoying the attention and affection. 

It wasn’t discreet either. They received knowing looks from their siblings and triumphant smirks from their parents. Tobin swore she saw her mother fist pump when they walked down the ceremony aisle to take their seats. Christen said that it was just her imagination, brushing it off like it wouldn’t be possible.

Anyone that sees them would think they’re a couple very much in love. They’ve spoken to old family friends who were surprised they were back together, and Christen took the lead on those conversations, explaining that they separated before going off to college, but found their way back together. Tobin nodded along, agreeing, even though it was all a lie—something she’s accepted that’s going to hurt when they have to leave.

But if Tobin knows that by the end of this trip, she’s going to be heartbroken, pained by not being with the one she loves, she may as well make it worth her while.

It isn’t hard.

Not hard to be a couple with Christen. Not hard to be in love with Christen. Not hard at all when it’s something you’ve always felt.

It’s easy. Too easy. That makes you think that you should’ve been doing it all this time. That this is the person you’re supposed to be with. That this is the person you’re supposed to choose today, tomorrow, and always. That this is an absolute, no questions asked with no doubt in your mind.

“Let’s just get your ice cream and head back to the table,” Tobin mumbles into the crook of Christen’s neck.

Christen couldn’t contain her excitement when Tobin told her Jeff had an ice cream bar planned for his wife. Olivia loves ice cream and coincidentally, Christen shares the same sentiment. The food has always been a staple in their relationship with the countless times Tobin has brought or bought Christen ice cream or Christen has asked to go get ice cream.

Christen makes an indiscernible sound, leaning into Tobin’s embrace as the wedding rages on.

It has hit a point where guests are drinking freely and dancing without a care in the world. Some are making their rounds on the buffet while others are in and out of the ballroom.

After Christen has a hefty scoop of mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone with Tobin’s child-sized rocky road, they’re eating at the table by themselves. Channing walks by with her boyfriend, asking if Christen wanted to go find Tyler for a siblings’ picture, but the middle child shook her head, content with where she was. Tobin laughs as Channing rolls her eyes, walking away, but not before telling Christen they will be taking a picture with all the siblings.

“Tobin,” Stacy greets, appearing behind Christen who’s almost done with her ice cream. “Let’s have a dance.”

Tobin could never say _no_ to the mother of the woman she loves. She finishes her last scoop, tossing the cup to the side before standing up and placing a quick kiss on Christen’s forehead. She’s not exactly acknowledged, but she doesn’t let that bother her.

“Shall we?” Tobin buttons her blazer, offering an arm to Stacy, who graciously takes the offer.

A Whitney Houston song is playing— _How Will I Know_ —and it’s not a slow song, but it’s slow enough where Stacy decides that they’re going to set up like a waltz, but swaying side to side. It’s great for Tobin because she hasn’t done a waltz since she was a teenager.

It’s light conversation over the music and the other people dancing around them. It has always been easy talking to Stacy, sometimes easier than her own mother if she isn’t ready to talk about something. Stacy asks about Manchester and if Tobin’s ready, which Tobin says she’s always ready for whatever comes her way. Tobin asks how everything is in southern California since she hadn’t been home in a while. It’s small talk, nothing serious, nothing heavy, all easy and cordial like two friends catching up.

That is until Stacy says, “You know Christen always asks me what you’re up to and I never know what to say except that you’re playing soccer, like you’ve always been.”

“What do you mean?” Tobin asks, confused because Christen hasn’t given the impression that she’s been keeping up with Tobin’s life.

“I’m sure you know that Christen gets very little communication with the outside world when she’s on her missions. I’d say more often than not, the little time she has to talk or FaceTime with us, she asks about you,” Stacy explains, like this is common knowledge. “We don’t give much because we don’t know a lot. We have dinner with your parents every couple weeks, but they say the same things.”

A pit forms in Tobin’s stomach because she realizes she hasn’t been home in a while. If she thinks hard, the last time she was home was for a match with the national team. She also hasn’t been doing the best with keeping in touch with people, such as the Press family. Maybe that can be something she works on as one of her resolutions.

“Yeah,” Tobin nods, agreeing because that’s her life—soccer. “I haven’t been home in a while and I have no one to blame but myself. So I need to work on that, at least keeping better in touch with you guys.”

“There’s no one you need blame Tobin, it happens. It’s life. It’s hard to maintain relationships, especially when you’re constantly on the go,” Stacy says pensively, smiling to herself. “You know it’s nice to see you and Christen together. It’s like you two are kids again, but there’s something different.”

“Yeah, it’s great seeing her,” Tobin says, finding Christen in the ice cream line with Tucker and smiling.

“You’re still in love with her,” Stacy says simply, like it’s a fact, like it’s as obvious that the sun rises and the sun sets every day.

Tobin brings her gaze back to Stacy, who’s smiling at her—the same smile Christen has when she’s relaxed, at ease—that she feels her lips turn upward because there’s no use in lying to someone who’s known you since you were in diapers.

“Yeah I am,” Tobin admits shyly, looking at the ground, avoiding the stare of Stacy Press. “But you know, we broke up and we’re just friends.”

“Yeah you’re friends, but it’s different. You two aren’t only friends, and I think it’ll work out, one way or another,” Stacy says, the song changing into _Cha Cha Slide_. “I think this is my cue to leave. It was nice talking with you Tobin. Don’t be a stranger.” She places a kiss on Tobin’s cheek.

Tobin watches Stacy walk away with the weight of their conversation having her wonder what she meant by _it’ll work out, one way or another_. There’s no way that it’d work out for them, Tobin’s not _that_ lucky. She’s been fortunate her whole life in more ways than one. Her love life not so much because she’s never put as much effort into that, never been serious about anyone. She has dated over the years, but nothing that amounted to what she felt—feels—for Christen. But who knows, maybe she’ll find love in Manchester.

“Hey,” Tobin hears as she’s knocked by the force of Christen hurtling into her, arms wrapping around body. “I missed you.”

“I’m sure you did,” Tobin pulls back, noticing a small smudge of ice cream at the corner of her cheek. “You clearly didn’t miss the ice cream,” She teases, bringing a finger up to wipe it away.

“Tucker asked me to take him,” Christen smiles, but it’s more of a toothy grin. “So who am I to say no.”

“Whatever,” Tobin says, kissing Christen gently on the lips. As she pulls back, Christen’s biting her lip. “What?”

“Wanna get out of here?” Christen asks bluntly, green eyes fixed on Tobin’s lips.

“I—” Tobin hesitates, looking around the ballroom hall, and thinks that she should take this chance to be alone with Christen. Her family won’t give her too much trouble, especially if they make a quiet exit and no one sees them. Her desire for Christen is outweighing her sisterly duty to stay at the wedding, and honestly, she really wants to get Christen out of her dress. “Yeah,” Tobin nods, “Let’s go.”

“Perfect, you look all too good in this suit,” Christen runs her fingers slowly down Tobin’s neck and fixes the lapels. “Too good that I’ve been thinking about you fucking me the whole day.” She whispers seductively against Tobin’s lips.

With that, Tobin clears her throat, pecking Christen softly on the lips and taking her hand, ready to spend the rest of the night alone and in a bed. She wants to make the most of her time with Christen, and she plans to make every minute count.

\--

Tobin stretches, yawning while doing so, waking up Christen in the process. Christen makes a disgruntled sound as she snuggles back into Tobin’s side.

It was a night to remember. Filled with emotions and actions to prove that the love they have for each other is still there. They didn’t want to stop, but exhaustion won and they collapsed on the covers, arms and legs tangled before drifting into a satiated slumber. She doesn’t remember who pulled the sheets over their bodies, or even when.

“Stop moving,” Christen mumbles.

“I’m hungry,” Tobin says quietly, glancing at the bedside clock reading _2:03 p.m._ “Shit, it’s already so late.”

“What time is it?” Christen asks, voice thick with sleep as she stays complacent against Tobin’s side.

“A little after two,” Tobin answers, thinking about where they have to be this evening. Christen’s parents rented a cabin on Alta Lake for the families to bring in the New Years.

“We’re fine,” Christen yawns, raising her head slightly to kiss Tobin on the lips. “We have until seven. My sister told me to just a few bottles of wine.”

Tobin’s slightly disorientated because she doesn’t remember ever talking to any of Christen’s sisters last night, but it might’ve been right before they snuck out. Channing was able to stop them from leaving, catching them at the door and politely demanding that they take a picture with the other siblings.

“Oh yeah,” Tobin nods even though she can’t recall it.

“So there’s plenty of time for us to do this,” Christen says lowly, bringing their lips together again and maneuvering herself to lay on top of Tobin.

“I think we might be a little late,” Tobin murmurs against Christen’s lips, snaking her arms to pull Christen closer.

“Fine by me.”

\--

It’s nearing midnight and everyone’s still awake, eager to bring in the New Year. Some of the kids have fallen asleep and are tucked into bed, but the parents promised they’d wake them up before the clock strikes twelve.

Olivia’s family joined the Press-Heath festivities and the family has acclimated well into the dynamics. Christen made a comment about how it could be a little odd to be invited to someone’s New Years’ party without knowing them personally, but it worked out.

The parents are sitting around the dinner table, drinking wine and exchanging stories about their children. Some of the siblings, particularly Katie and Tyler, are giving everyone else a run for their money with the poker game they’ve been at for the past couple hours.

While Christen and Tobin are sitting outside in the backyard, cuddled up on a couch with the fire blazing to keep them warm. It’s dark and the only lights visible are the fires the people across from their cabin lit. The moon is bright and the stars are out, and it’s quiet, not too much noise from the neighboring houses. They’re sharing a bottle wine, which they’re on their third because Tobin thought fifteen bottles of wine was enough until they arrived to find out Olivia’s family brought another twelve to share.

They’re a little drunk, but the food spread Perry made has helped them from falling down the deep end. They’ve been talking the whole night, the trip, more of their lives these past years, but are still dancing around what’s next, avoiding the topic of what happens _for them_ next.

It has slowly crept up on Tobin the whole day that this is her last day with Christen since Christen has a flight to Los Angeles mid-afternoon tomorrow. It was hardly a discussion about the future, but Tobin was adamant that she’d drive Christen to the airport.

She doesn’t want reality to set in, to burst the bubble of intimacy and happiness they’ve formed of playing the role of a couple. Something Tobin will hardly admit was acting because it’s been real for her. It isn’t something you can just pull out of thin air. 

“Do you ever wonder if we never broke up before college, if we’d still be together?”

There was a lull in their conversation where they were quiet, listening to the soundtrack of nature, the light breeze moving the trees and the ripples of water washing on the shore. Tobin’s staring at the dark sky, the ceiling not available at the moment, when she hears Christen ask the question she’s always wanted the answer to.

“I can’t say for sure,” Tobin says thoughtfully because she doesn’t know. It’s been almost fifteen years since they were a couple that she’s grown up a lot and she knows that Christen has too. “But I do know that I wanted to stay together.” She reveals, deciding that if they’re going to have this conversation, she has to be honest and tell Christen what she felt all those years ago.

“What?” Christen sits up, lifting her head off Tobin’s shoulder. “You wanted to stay together?”

It’s said in a way that Christen had no idea that this was how Tobin felt then.

Tobin smiles, a small upward turn of her lips as she looks at Christen, “Yeah, I did. Do I wish I would’ve said something? Yeah probably. Do I wish I should’ve fought a little harder for us to work something out? Maybe at the time. But in hindsight, it was probably for the best.”

“I had no idea,” Christen says quietly, leaning against the couch cushion.

“It’s nothing to really dwell about,” Tobin shrugs, taking a sip of wine before continuing, “You went off to college at Oxford, I stayed in the states to pursue soccer, and look at us now. You’re saving people in underdeveloped countries and I’m still playing soccer. I don’t regret my choice because it’s what I want. I do regret that I’ve done terribly over the years keeping in touch with you and well, you—”

“That’s me too though,” Christen interrupts. “I didn’t do enough to communicate with you.”

“According to your mom, you still ask about me,” Tobin teases and she swears Christen starts blushing at the comment.

“Okay guilty,” Christen relents, avoiding eye contact for a quick second before looking at Tobin again. “I know that what I’ve been doing the past few some years has been a sore subject for you, and I was always scared to talk to you because I didn’t want to hear it. I know your intention is always good, but it’s what I wanted to do too.”

“Chris, I know,” Tobin smiles, raising a hand to brush a piece of hair in Christen’s face. “We’re older now and tomorrow you’ll be home for a day and then off who knows where. All I can say is that I want you to be happy and that one of my resolutions for the New Year is to do better at keeping in touch with people, you especially. I’ve missed my best friend and spending these past few days together made me realize how much. The sex was great, of course, but getting to do things with you like we were kids again was even better. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

“Tobin—” Christen’s interrupted by Tyler yelling at them to get inside because the countdown’s starting.

Tobin waves, saying that they’ll be right in. She stands up, extending a hand out for Christen. Tobin notices that Christen looks a little sad, so she pulls Christen into a hug, squeezing until she feels Christen laugh. She places a kiss on her temple before bringing her hand down to interlock their fingers.

When they enter the house, Perry hands them each a glass of champagne. They take an empty spot behind the couch as they television plays the Times Square Ball Drop. There’s under a minute left in the year as the kids start to join in on the countdown.

Tobin’s rubbing Christen’s shoulder and talking to Katie about how the kids are now reenergized after that nap. She feels Christen’s eyes on her that she doesn’t look until Katie finishes complaining about how hard it’ll be to put them back to sleep.

“What?” Tobin asks, taking a sip of the champagne.

“I love you,” Christen says quietly. It’s loud in the house with the kids yelling and some of the adults are joining in, but Tobin hears it perfectly.

_Three…Two…One_

“I know,” Tobin nods, smiling as everyone yells _Happy New Years_. “I love you too.”

\--

It’s quiet in the car, the only sounds are of the playlist Tobin chose and Christen sniffling. Tobin’s free hand has been interlocked with Christen’s since they merged on the highway, resting on Christen’s thigh.

When they woke up this morning, naked, tangled in the sheets with a slight hangover, they realized it was their last few hours together before they go their separate ways. Tobin has been slowly thinking about this since they arrived in Canada, but it hit Christen harder than she expected because Christen started crying, hugging Tobin tightly and whispering _I’m gonna miss you_. Tobin only comforted her because she didn’t have the words to make this better, she was going to miss Christen too.

They made love, even whispering _I love you_ in moments of climax. If the nights before were spent showing they loved each other, last night reinforced it, solidifying that how they feel now will never compare to how they felt before.

Tobin didn’t say that she’s in love, nor did Christen, but they are. They both know it, even if they won’t admit they’re in love to each other. That’d be the nail on the coffin, knowing how they feel about you, but you can’t be together. _Timing’s a real bitch_ , Tobin thought bitterly to herself when she couldn’t fall asleep, Christen lightly snoring against her chest. 

It’s bittersweet. They had one helluva time together and neither wants it to end, but back to reality.

They’re almost at the airport and Christen knows it, squeezing Tobin’s hand because she doesn’t want to go. Tobin squeezes back, telling her that it’ll be okay, that they’ll be okay, and there’s nothing more in this world that Christen doesn’t deserve. She deserves it all, and whatever happens next, Tobin will be there to support her in whatever way she can.

They decided before they left the hotel that Tobin wouldn’t park in the garage because it’d make it immensely harder for Christen to want to leave. Tobin didn’t argue, it made sense, she doesn’t want Christen to leave either.

Tobin drives up to the curb, setting the car to park and pressing the hazard lights button. Christen’s shaking and Tobin’s staring at her shoes. She still doesn’t know what to say to make it better, if there’s anything to make it better. They promised that they’d find a way to talk, suggesting they send letters once they settle in their new places.

They sit there for a couple minutes before Tobin hears Christen take a deep breath, expelling the air and letting go of Tobin’s hand at the same time. The car doors open, both stepping out and meeting at the back. Tobin pops the trunk open, pulling Christen’s luggage out and setting them on the sidewalk.

Tobin lets out an _oomph_ when Christen’s arms wrap from behind. She immediately turns around, encircling Christen in a tight embrace. The feeling of Christen’s body shaking against hers doesn’t help. The tears forming in her eyes aren’t helping either, as she’s trying to hold it together.

All of a sudden, Christen’s lips are on hers, the dam breaking as tears rush down her face. It hurts to kiss Christen like this, but she savors it, knowing this is either the last time until next or the last time until never. She doesn’t know if the next time she sees Christen, she’ll be able to do this. She pulls Christen in tighter, not wanting to let go.

They don’t know how long they’ve been standing there, but it isn’t until one of the traffic guards interrupts them, apologetic, but needs the car to move to ease congestion. Tobin sighs, through tearful eyes, nodding to the guard that she’ll be done in one minute.

“I-I, fuck,” Christen chokes out, burying her face into Tobin’s chest and she’s usually not the one swearing.

“It’ll be okay, we’ll be okay,” Tobin says and she doesn’t recognize her own voice. She squeezes Christen one last time before pulling back, bringing their lips together in one last chaste kiss.

“Ma’am,” Tobin hears the traffic guard behind her. “We really need you to move your car.”

“We’ll still be friends, okay? I’ll send you letters and leave you messages on whatever messaging app you tell me to, okay?” Tobin says, ignoring the traffic guard, and Christen nods slowly at the words. Tobin kisses her forehead before saying, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

\--

“Oh fuck,” Tobin groans after Lucy kicks a ball straight into her stomach. The few teammates around her wincing and saying _ouch_ at the sight of Tobin falling to her knees, grass rough against her skin. “Are you mad or something?”

“Sorry,” Lucy says, chuckling a little before adding, “I thought you were prepared.”

“I was talking to Jackie,” Tobin deadpans, rolling her eyes as she looks at the sympathetic hand Jackie placed on her shoulder.

“She was looking at me!” Lucy defends, arms raised in defense.

“Oh my god, get off it,” Jackie remarks, pulling Tobin up to her feet. “You alright?”

“Just peachy,” Tobin says sarcastically, coughing and dusting the dirt off her knees as one of the trainers blows the whistle for a short water break before separating into teams for scrimmage.

Tobin has been settling as expected in Manchester, almost a month since she moved and things have been going along. Her apartment is nearly ready, a few boxes left that she has to unpack and a shoe rack she still has to build. It’s been a slow process in that aspect of her life because she came in mid-season, so her focus has mostly been on getting to know her team on the field and off the field. 

Her team’s great. They’re all relatively young, so she’s been finding herself acting more of a mentor, giving advice and suggesting things they never thought of. They’re also a rowdy bunch, playing pranks here and there, but she’s fitting in well. They’re nice and they invite her to outings, making her feel like she isn’t left out.

Her manager is intense, but Casey has high expectations, which pushes Tobin to want to excel not only for herself, but for the team as well. Tobin has noticed Casey always has really nice coats and is still working up the courage to ask where she gets them. It’s pretty cold in Manchester and coming from sunny California can be a bit of a shock.

A couple matches have already happened, but she hasn’t played yet. Casey spoke with Tobin when she arrived, asking her what she thought was best for her. Tobin opted to wait a bit, wanting time to find her role in the team versus jumping in and changing the whole dynamic. Tobin’s slated to play this weekend though, so she’s excited.

She’s also been on top of her _New Year’s Resolution._ It’s to make more of an effort to keep in touch with her friends and family when she’s on the road. The time difference is a bit of an obstacle, but it’s been working fine. Kelley, on the other hand, has woken Tobin in the middle of the night on multiple occasions, still oblivious to time zones.

Though, it’s a resolution that keeps her accountable to talk to Christen. They’ve spoken on the phone a couple times, checking in with the other, which Tobin found out that Christen’s about to be on assignment, but couldn’t tell her where until she gets there. They’re able to exchange messages, but just enough that Tobin doesn’t feel like she’s bombarding Christen. Tobin even ordered some nice stationary that she plans to use when she gets Christen’s location, excited to write letters and maybe even make a care package once in a while. 

“Who is _that_? She’s fucking gorgeous.” Tobin hears Lucy ask to no one in particular. She looks up to see Lucy leaning into Jackie and pointing across the field. “She’s smiling at me, maybe I should go over there.” 

Tobin chuckles, squeezing some water into her mouth before tossing the bottle on the grass. She shakes her head at Lucy’s forwardness, even though she knows Lucy’s very much in love with her own girlfriend, having proposed over the holidays. 

But when Tobin turns around, the water trickles down her chin, jaw dropping at _who_ is there. 

It’s Christen, smiling at Tobin, not Lucy, and gives a small wave. Tobin sprints off, not caring about what she’s supposed to do right now, and misses Lucy’s comment of _Tobin always gets the pretty ones_ followed by Jackie smacking her upside the head. 

Tobin’s out of breath when she makes it to Christen, the small fence between them that she’d jump over if she wasn’t trying to force air into her lungs. 

“Wh-what the hell are you doing here!?” Tobin finally gets out, shocked to see her best friend.

“Hi to you too, Tobin,” Christen leans over the fence to kiss Tobin on the cheek that a distant cheer can be heard. “I’m on assignment,” She says. 

“Assignment?” Tobin asks, confused. “Last I checked, Manchester isn’t part of an underdeveloped country.” 

“You’re right, it isn’t.” 

“Then why are you here?” Tobin still can’t wrap her head around the fact that Christen’s actually here when she had no idea the next time she’d see her. 

“I work here now,” Christen states simply.

“Wait what? You work here now?” Tobin scratches her head. 

“Yes Tobin,” Christen nods, smiling. “It may have helped that I still keep in contact with people from Oxford, but they were able to pull a few strings to get me a job at the hospital here. In Manchester.” 

“But what about _Doctors with Borders_?” Tobin has to ask because that was something Christen was passionate about. 

Christen’s about to explain when the whistle blows, signaling the end of their break. Tobin looks back to see most of her team staring in her direction. She gives a thumbs up, but Casey waves her over. 

“Fuck,” Tobin mutters. “I have to go.” 

“I figured,” Christen says. “It’s okay. I’ll still be here after practice. I’ve been here for the past half hour anyways. You’ve been too in the zone to look this way,” She adds when she notices Tobin’s face. 

“Okay okay,” Tobin relents, taking a small step back, not wanting to return back to practice but they’re playing Arsenal this weekend, so she has to be ready. “Just stay right here.” 

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

\--

Christen sits on the couch, watching whatever’s playing on the television, as Tobin prepares a small assortment of deli meats and cheese. Thankfully, she had some left over from the other night when a couple of the girls were over. They picked up a bottle of wine too, agreeing they’ll order dinner sometime later. 

Tobin hasn’t asked again nor has Christen said anything. They kept conversation light on their way back. They also weren’t as affectionate as they had been a few weeks prior, instead dancing around, keeping a friendly distant, unsure of what this is.

Some of the girls asked who that was when Tobin rejoined the group, but she didn’t say much. She needed to focus instead of the million questions in her head about Christen suddenly showing up in Manchester. 

“Okay it’s not much,” Tobin says, picking up the food board and making her way to take her seat next to Christen, “But we’re ordering takeout later, so it should tide us over.” 

“Maybe more you than me,” Christen quips as Tobin smiles, placing the board on the coffee table and sitting down. 

They each reach for some food, combing the cheese and meats together into a mini sandwich. Tobin refills Christen’s glass of wine and pours herself one before sitting back against the couch cushion, not sure if she has to bring it up or Christen. 

“So you’re probably confused,” Christen says while Tobin’s mid-sip. 

Tobin gulps before responding, collecting her thoughts, before simply saying, “Yeah.” Because there’s no point in putting on a façade.

“Well, to put it in the simplest way, I retired from _Doctors without Borders_ , it was taking its toll, and I decided that it was time to work in a hospital,” Christen shrugs, staring at the table instead of Tobin. “And I figured if I had to choose anywhere, it’d be where you are.” 

Tobin’s heart races, pounding against her chest and willing her to wrap Christen in a hug, but her mind’s keeping her at bay, wanting to be cautious, wanting to listen to what Christen’s saying. She’s been known to speak without thinking. 

“I’m not saying let’s move in and get married,” Christen continues when Tobin doesn’t respond. “What I’m proposing this time, that maybe instead of pretending that we’re dating, that we date for real?”

A couple minutes pass, before all Tobin can answer is, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Is there anything you want to ask me?” Christen shifts her body to face Tobin, scooting just enough that their knees are touching. 

“What changed?” Tobin blurts out, realizing how harsh it sounds coming from her mouth. “I mean, well, yeah what changed?” 

Christen smiles, looking down like she’s in deep thought, “To be honest, I couldn’t pinpoint what _exactly_ changed. It might’ve been a combination of things, seeing you after so long, spending time with you, having sex, the list goes on. I do know, though, that I don’t want to be without you again. When I had breakfast with my mom that morning after my birthday, she commented about how she hadn’t seen me so happy in a while. I didn’t know what she was talking about nor did she explain. I didn’t realize how much I missed my best friend until I saw you and I didn’t realize how much I still love you until I watched you drive away.” 

“Wait you what?” Tobin asks, her mind only able to process the last bit. 

“I’m in love with you Tobin, I still am and to be honest, I think I always have been,” Christen says so earnestly that Tobin sees a tear roll down her cheek. “And if you don’t want to be together, that’s okay. I missed my best friend and I’d have you in my life—.” 

“Hey,” Tobin cuts through before Christen can finish the sentence. She hasn’t said much yet, but this seems like the best time. “Chris, I’m in love with you too.” 

It’s not a long winded explanation like Christen’s. She’s never been good with words, but she means it with her whole heart. She tells Christen how she feels in other ways. She’ll spend the rest of her life showing Christen why and how she loves her.

“Really?” Christen asks, the hint of uncertainty in her voice. 

“Yes,” Tobin nods, grabbing Christen’s hand to pull her into a hug. “There’s no doubt in my mind about what I feel for you. I’ve missed you.” She mumbles against Christen’s temple, placing a light kiss. 

“So we’re doing this?” Christen asks, pulling back to stare at Tobin straight in the eye. 

Tobin knows just by the look in Christen’s eyes how much she means this, how much she wants this. There’s a bunch of questions still floating around in her head, but they’ll be answered in time. 

“Yeah we are,” Tobin says, smirking when an amusing thought crosses her mind. “Does this mean you’re gonna wear my jersey at games again?” 

Christen shoves Tobin with enough force she’s suddenly on the ground, and Christen’s laughter fills the apartment. Because of course, Christen’s going to wear Tobin’s jersey. She wore it then, and she’ll wear it now. 

Tobin didn’t think this year would turn out like this, only planned on playing soccer and maybe going to the Olympics, but right here, right now, with Christen next to her, it’s already pretty great. 

It’s their chance for again, but better. 

\-- 

**Author's Note:**

> well, hi, how are you. it's been a while, hasn't it? happy new years (eve), i hope everyone is doing well. 
> 
> i was very happy i actually finished this story on time instead of the one i've been writing since i finished my last. (save room for us is still in the works, just haven't been able to properly go over it, that one might be a re-write.) i apologize for any typos and/or grammatical errors, i didn't have enough time to adequately proofread. 
> 
> fun little tidbits, i typically spend the holidays in whistler with my family so this is my little ode to that. i also frequented vancouver a lot, having lived there for a few months after graduation. that hike to lake garibaldi is no joke, pushed through it cause of these adorable group of old ladies trekking along like it was nothing. 
> 
> i don't know if there's any consolation to make up for where i've been for the latter half of the year, but it's been odd. i won't bore you with any details of my life, but just hold the ones you see close, as cliche as that sounds. 
> 
> anyways, i hope you enjoyed this little story. i also hope this wraps up the preathfics winter 2020 collection well. thank you for bearing with me when it comes to my writing, and especially thank you for reading whatever i put out. always much appreciated.
> 
> stay safe!!


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